Becoming a mom is one of life’s most profound journeys, filled with joy, challenges, and endless love. While there is no universal recipe for being a perfect mom (in fact, perfect does not exist!), some fundamental principles and practices can guide you in your quest to be the best mom you can be. In this blog, we’ll explore some valuable tips and insights into being a good mom to your children.
Support is your friend on your journey of motherhood. BLOOM is here to save you valuable time and money with courses you can easily access right from home. From emotional regulation to sleep and anxiety, BLOOM has online courses that walk with you as you strive to be the best mom you can be.
11 Ways to Be a Good Mom
- Be Present: getting down on the floor to play with your little ones is a wonderful method of engagement and attunement. A child’s work and learning process is done through play and playing on the floor. Getting to their level on the floor keeps them engaged and interested with the available play, allowing them to engage with the activities and learn new things while building a connection with you.
- Work to Calm Yourself: have the tools to make yourself at least one level calmer than your child. You need to match your child’s intensity when they are experiencing and expressing to you their strong emotions while remaining calm on the inside. We want your child to sense that you get them.
- Hold Space for Emotions: holding space when your child is experiencing a strong emotion, meaning just allowing their strong feeling to be there without needing to fix it, change it, or make it go away, gives them a massive sense of security.
- Maintain a Positive State of Mind: when parents can work on moving into a more positive frame of mind, it positively influences their interactions and relationships with their child.
How do we change our state of mind from negativity and overwhelm to a more positive and calm one?
One powerful technique in changing our state of mind is to maintain an awareness of the words you are using in your mind regarding your child. Do you tell yourself that they are entirely draining? Or that they drive you up the wall? Or make you totally crazy? Or you’re exhausted, or you’re having a mental breakdown…..Once you have identified the words that your mind uses to describe those difficult interactions with your child, then you can take the next step- replace them with the most positive words that you can squeeze from yourself -that you are capable of saying or thinking, without resistance at that point; something that feels right to you.
For example, you can say things to your child like, “This is challenging,” instead of “he is driving me insane,” or “I’m okay, he’s okay, this is going to be okay,” or “We are working on this, and it is getting better slowly” versus “I can't deal with this impossible child anymore.”
These statements do not have to be positive; just work towards them being as close to positive as you can manage to squeeze out. Getting into the habit of using more positive words in your mind will slowly allow you to move from a negative mindset into a more positive one.
- Smile at Your Children: smiling with your eyes–so that they crinkle at the edges like wrinkles at the outer corners of your eyes–is a technique that is so important for parents to utilize. Smile at your kids with your eyes to make them feel loved and connected. It’s not uncommon for kids to have difficulty paying attention, but once they feel that connection with their teacher or parent, they can better focus.
- Tell Your Children You Appreciate Them: give specific appreciations for even little things they do. For example, I liked how you noticed your plate, threw it away, or put it in the sink. I enjoyed watching you give in to your younger sibling, etc.
- Physical Touch: Many children do not receive enough safe touch, and touching kids once an hour helps them feel loved and connected.
- Explain Things Patiently: take the time, energy, and patience to explain things to your child, to spell things out as clearly as you can, whether it is a task you want them to do, discussing an event that happened or will happen, or a conversation about how something works. Taking the time and energy beforehand to explain and spell things out will inevitably save you time and energy later on.
- Let Go of Personal Expectations: Real Moms remember that their children are people too, with their own likes and dislikes, which may be different—even radically different—than their own. The secret to being a great Real Mom is learning to let go of our expectations of how our children will turn out.
- Self-Regulate: the effects of parental self-regulation are often underestimated.
A mother’s ability to help their child come to a state of mind–and body(!)--that allows for appropriate, thought-through ‘good’ behavior and optimal functioning is a 3 step process:
You can’t help your child calm down if you feel dysregulated.
In the very front portion of your brain, known as the ‘prefrontal cortex,’ we find a particular type of neuron called the mirror neuron. The way these neurons work is that in the same way, when you look in the mirror, you will see a reflection of yourself.
When you look at your child or when you are with your child, your mirror neurons will catch on to their mirror neurons and act like your reflection does.
If your child is upset or angry, it can be hard to remain calm because those mirror neurons are taking over, making you reflect their feelings. This response is normal. However, we can be mindful of who is the ‘reflection’ and who is the ‘original.’
The problem with us as parents becoming ‘reflections’ is that it does not help calm our children down. But if WE can be the ‘original’--relax those shoulders and lower your eyebrows, take some deep breaths–that will allow your child to become the ‘reflection,’ and they will reflect your calm.
Many parents who have used this technique have found it to be empowering in a difficult standoff. YOU can be the mirror: let your child feed off and reflect your regulation, calm, and positivity.
- Take Care of Yourself First: it’s so important for moms to ensure that you are well taken care of both physically and emotionally. When you are running on empty, you will likely have a hard time remaining regulated and finding the resources within yourself to be able to output to your family. This includes healthy eating, drinking and sleeping habits, sufficient exercise, setting aside time for things you enjoy, mindfulness or meditation, socializing, etc. For many parents, it is helpful to focus on the one idea in this list that you know affects you the most and incorporate it into your routine.
In addition, if you know that you start feeling grumpy or less patient on an empty stomach, ensure you have some kind of healthy snack before your child or children arrive home. Others may benefit from a quick social phone call, a little nap, or a short meditation–all before your kids come home.
Support for Motherhood
There is no such thing as a perfect mom. All mothers deserve support along their motherhood journey. While you are the best mom for YOUR child, some helpful tips and strategies can help you successfully tackle the ups and downs of being a mom.
Raising kids is hard, especially if your child needs extra care from specialists and other care providers. BLOOM is here to make it easy.
Our in-depth courses equip you, the mother, to take over key elements of supporting your child with expert instruction and practical methods on everything from motor skills, tantrums, attention issues, sensory issues, and more. We provide videos, exercises, practical guidance, and how-tos to help you support your child so you can grow together.
We help you consistently provide your child with the care they need while helping you recover time and money, reducing the need for you to travel to and pay for an ever-increasing list of therapists or support teams.You gain what you need, plus regain the joy of mothering your one-of-a-kind child. Discover our courses here.